Fragile Heart

Hadnt been around Tanjung Malim last weekend because I was at Rawang, Ravina's birthday party. I went to Rawang with Jack after my EL3 on Friday and straight to Ravina's house then. It feels just like home. Well, at least way way way better than my stinky bed in Tanjung Malim which doesnt allow me to sleep up to 8 hours!! Rowena, Yvonne, Shirley and Victor came on Saturday where I went to Mid Valley with Jack and met up with Adrian to go together. YES. ADRIAN MARK. Its been so long since we met up and talk crap like in school.

All of us were in Midvalley and together, all 7 of us head to Ravina's house in the evening. Had loads of fun of course. As long as I'm out of Tanjung Malim, I will try to have all the fun in anywhere possible even if its the most boring place ever. I cant possibly waste all my time looking like a dumb zombie and being damn lifeless everywhere I go right? We went back Sunday night and damn were we tired. LOL.

So...HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAVINA DEVI!! Love you always <3 <3 <3

Besides that, sometimes I wonder what girls want. As much as I AM a girl myself, sometimes I couldnt understand why I reacted this way or that. Jealous? Hurt? Probably. I broke up with a great guy and I'm not happy about it. That was before. Now I'm alright.

Some girls can say that...
"You're an awesome guy."
"I still love you but....."
"I don't deserve you"

These girls have the right to say it if their boyfriend really doesnt give much attention to them or ignored them or probably being a jealous bastard and dont even care what shit they do. Girls like me need attention. I maybe and idiot for wanting love and attention but who doesnt?

If you have a caring, loving and gives you anything kinda girl or guy, would you trade anything for it? I wouldnt. I wouldnt let go anyhow if he is someone who can always be there for me when I need him. As most of you know, I am not strong inside and just the appearance and the beatings of people makes people think that I'm strong. From there, they wont dare mess with me.

Why did I do all these? Honestly to say, I didnt know it at first. But soon, I realise that I just dont want some bastard coming into my life and just keep me there by his side like a decoration. I'm just protecting myself from guys whom I do not know whether they are really good guys or just another bunch of idiots. I dont want to give my heart to someone who would crush it rather than treasuring it. I really hate the feeling of trusting guys but in the end, I do fall again. This time, it hurts still.

These words....honestly to say, I love hearing it from someone I love. But I dont get that. I always get it from my best friends only and Id say I couldnt be happier! Having someone to love makes you feel like life is awesome but actually its just a regular life. Love makes you go high. Love is something so pure and beautiful. BUT love is blind. Thats why people fall in love blindly and get themselves hurt.

As much as girls get hurt, guys get hurt too. I salute faithful, warm and loving, caring and sweet guys. They can do anything just for one girl. Abandon everything just for one girl. Be there all the time whenever she need him. I really really SALUTE! Its hard to find someone like that but if you do find someone like that, think twice before breaking up.

NEVER say that he/she's too good for you. Never say you dont deserve him. You know why? Despite of your imperfections, he/she still loves you and he thinks you're perfect enough for him/her although there are so many other more perfect people out there, he/she picks you. You should be thankful and continue loving him/her more.

I believe in true love. But thats yet to come. Those who are reading this blog right now, in love or not, you know better. You know what to do.

Never let someone wait for you whether you are a guy or a girl. Life is short. Take it or leave it. EVENTUALLY, after all the take and leave, you'll find the right person. I believe in that. I do.

Its not my turn yet but I do wish for a happily ever after in this world of reality. Watch me. Ill make my world a happily ever after.

Happy Tuesday peeps :)

BUSY!

This week had been crazy and its still not over. Searching for lecturers in a university so huge is enough for me to die. I still lack one more lecturer's signature for my add and drop form. I'm so hoping to find her by tomorrow. She better be there. I'm stressing up my Semester 2 just to have a good life in the next few semesters. I had took up Spanish. Its totally worth it. I don't mind. Hahahaha. Laughing while learning is the best way to learn. I only learn the introduction of Spain and a few words.

I had been soooooooooo busy and its only the third day. I didnt even get a full rest. Just hunting and here and there. My timetable is already packed up like a sandwich. As much as I hate it, I have to love it. Some subjects are awesome enough to learn, some are totally shit for me. Presenting in BM??? How long had I not been speaking in BM? Its sucky to the core. I wonder how is Kenegaraan? I never had a class yet because of the laziness of the lecturer. Imagine the life studying with a lazy one?

Now I'm sitting at home wondering what to do. Guess I'm gonna start doing my Newsletter using Microsoft Publisher. Luckily I had experience using it. If not Ill be as blur as ever because I do not have any chemistry with computers. They don't like me. LOL.

Despite of thinking about the next semester, I'm thinking about this semester about how to work in groups of people whom we cant work with when you know they are such lazy bitches or such 'know-it-all' or such an asshole. I always finish work fast. I wonder how to work things out ESPECIALLY with lazy butts. Tell me what to do wey. Seriously. If you offend them, it gets worse dont you think? Imagine another 3 and half years facing them. Grr. Some people.... =.=||

First Day of Class

Alrite...first day was alright really. Despite the running around part checking our PTPTN deduction, getting the add and drop forms, adding an audit course (Spanish class), I actually was in classes without lecturers. Yeah, its only the first day. What to do.

Then the community choir. It reminds me so so so much of my school choir with my schoolmates last time and hitting the competition although we were not too ready and had the fun of our lives singing on stage. I really enjoyed it. Here I am back in singing again in Soprano. LOL. Mr. Andrew Blackburn, a world renowed choir director was directing it. He was good because he taught us without the piano. His pitch was perfect. LOL.

Damn I miss singing :D

Will update soon. Stay tuned =P

Short Wake Up Call

Aisyyyhhh...I was sleeping earlier like half an hour ago until a llama woke me up! =.= Okay..I'm being mean. I meant Jerry gave me a call and I actually thought it was Xian Zhen. -.-|| He woke me up to ask me about HIS timetable. I was like 'huh?" Basically because I thought it was Xian Zhen. HAHAHAHAHA. So I really shook myself up and listen properly and I go "Oh...its the llama."

He was asking me whether I could go online and ask him whether he got the same class as me or not at 11am tomorrow. Seriously, I wonder where my timetable went to. I just rewrote my timetable again. Darn. After I got online, I texted him and ask him for his ID and password. FINALLY, he called again and said he got it already. -.-||

I'm so not happy to start class again. Everyone got separated already. No fun at all. After the 2 hours dusting and unpacking my things, I am really tired plus adding on to my PMS - first day, no good at all. Wrong timing....anyway...

GOODNIGHT!

Bye Ipoh...

This is kinda what I will be feeling tomorrow morning when I wake up in the morning.

Tanjung Malim....haih...I've no words to describe it seriously. I felt...like...I really dont know anything about it. Oh shit. Back to going on lifeless. Soon.

>.<
*heart screaming hell*

Choice and Chance

No complains, no comments :)

Who Says Life's A Diamond?

Important note: A random post. Not related to any living or dead souls. Read and not feel offended. If you do, I'm not responsible.


I've been at school today. ACS. I was with Kasturi, Nagendran, Winci, Faris, Xian Zhen, Chi San and Choon Fang. First thing we did was going to the library!! I do miss the library and as usual I always ask...

"Teacher..how was the library and the librarians?"
"Getting worse ever since after your batch (2010)."

Thats nice to hear. For all I know there are many stuck up bitches and bastards younger than me. MANY but not all. Depends. I'm not surprised that it got worse every year. Ms Teoh even told me that instead of having the Head Librarian to give the orders and work, she had to tell him what to do. Oh come on...you're expecting a teacher to tell you what to do???? What are you like 9? EH FRIEND! YOU'RE 19/20 YEARS OLD LAAAA! Use your brains!!!! =.= Damn pity my teachers for having such kids nowadays to teach. Have to treat them like secondary school students. Ayshhhh.....

Not to mention Ms Mindy, my most awesome MUET teacher! She got so headache with the current 6AR class that she didnt want to enter. As much as Ms Mindy would stormed out of the class, she has her valid reasons for doing so. Her students now dont even bother compared to my class 2 years back. We went to see and begged Ms Mindy to teach again when she did not enter class for 2 weeks! And damn were we worried. My class never regret for putting our ego down and help each other throughout the Upper 6 year. It doesn't only pleases our teachers but also having correcting our mistakes by checking out with different friends and IN FACT, scoring well in exams TOGETHER. Sharing is caring. Jangan kedekut ilmu. Knowledge is to share. Not to keep for yourself. Thats called selfish.

From what the students said, its unfair that when one person did a mistake and the whole class suffers. Well, it is BUT excuse me, are you gonna tell that to your boss next time that your colleague screw up the project and its got nothing to do with you? Trying to save yourself? It wont work because YOU and your colleagues are responsible for the project. So all of you have to work it out no matter which idiot screw up!!! That's how it is in the man eat man world, kids! Thats the reality in life. Cant take it? Don't live!

Cooperation is the most important no matter where you are in future. No cooperation is like a pilot without a co-pilot. The strong always help the weak like how we helped each other in class. From there, all of us will have the same knowledge although with different skill. Same when it comes to university and working life. You will be gathered in your own group and what? You gonna shoot your group mates down if they are not able to follow up or do the work? You're only pulling yourself down together with them. YOU have to help them or worse, do the fucking work for them.

Just imagine yourself in a ship. When it sinks, you all sink together although a few knows how to swim. Why? The one who doesnt will struggle to pull you down as well. You think you can survive? Turn your brain over and re-think.

Next topic. Sometimes you wonder to yourself where do people put you. Some people might be important to you but to that some people, you are nothing to them.
They might say, "You're damn important to me!" but do nothing about it
They could say, "I love you soooo much!" and do nothing about it.
They also say,"You're an awesome friend!" still do nothing about it.
People who says it and do it at them same time are those meant to be there in your life no matter what shits befall on you. They will learn to find out things about you that you don't even need to tell and they'll be there for you without asking much.

Always learn not to be blinded by anything. I find that when you're too nice, people tend to put you at the bottom of the list which shows that they know you dont mind being around to help or do something for them.  Do not ever be too nice. You'll die. For those with me, we're almost and already 21. We've seen much of the people while working part time, while studying in a group of strangers, while doing assignments with people that we dont like, while being in a different place and etc. BUT...its still your choice. Just saying.

Dont like what I said? Not my problem. Its a fact whether you believe it or not.

You know best. I dont want to say 'I told you so'

Lazy as Ill ever be

I'd seen many couples just on Facebook and smiling for no damn reason. Receiving flowers, gifts and handmade gifts. My goshhh. I had never celebrated Valentines for real because if I really did, my memory wouldnt be blur enough to not know. Like Andrea said, "handmade gifts are the best!" I know right? I hand only received handmade gifts from friends. Not even from my exes. Don't bother.

Guys are like that. They are lazy even for their loved ones. During whatever occasion, they'll be spending money on gifts and expensive dinner. Sometimes, that doesnt make things special. Making gifts and spending time lying on the grass watching the stars under the skies would be awesome or chilling out at home watching a movie would be great with homemade candlelight dinner. Even if you dont know how to cook and almost burnt down the kitchen, one thing is, your partner would know how much effort you tried to put it.

Nothing is easy when it comes to impressing the person you love and making a special day for him/her. When you have the will and effort, you will know it will be worth it in the end. Do not overly plan on things. It will never work out. Just plan things randomly. You'll never know what surprises do God have for you after your every planning. All you need is guts, the courage to do it. Even if it didnt work out, people will understand our effort and thats all that matters actually.

I feel damn jealous why my ex had never done things like that. Obviously he isnt the one for me. I'm someone with too high of an expectation and definitely the hardest girl on earth to understand and not easy to please. Those who wants to be with me would think twice. I do not laugh over jokes over and over again. Gifts are the wrong items to make me smile again after making me angry. It will never work.


My guy friends who knows me well enough are actually able to make me smile with a snap of a finger JUST ON FACEBOOK!! They know my strengths and weaknesses and they treat me like a normal girl. How? They do not try to understand me but try to know me. When I'm angry, they do not try to make me smile but joke and tease to make me laugh. They dont care what I like. They just give whatever they wanna give and paste a goofy smile on their face. I used to give them a look for all that they've done with " WTH? " And there they go start laughing like nobody's business.

I wonder sticking to guy friends is enough than having a boyfriend. Not everyone will know what you want and those who knows are those who knows you too well. My guy friends are only in between. They really DO NOT know what I like but what they give is what I thank for. Its enough :)

I'm damn happy for you Andrea Ong. Expect the unexpected is more fun XD LOL I'm just glad you found someone suitable for you. Opposite attracts huh? I agree with Ervin :)

Bye.

Prepare Prepare

Prepare...packing clothes, food and other essentials to live in the dead town of Tanjung Malim for another semester. Its excited to start studying again. At least I wont get headache of not having anything to do. Its also damn saddening that they changed one of my subject's time to thursday afternoon (who studies in the afternoon anyway?? Nap time!) and Friday last class till 7pm. WTF. Its Friday night asshole! This is ruining my life.

Anyway, I havent been doing much lately. Had been woken up by friend at 5.30am to go hiking, 8am yesterday to go for badminton. My hands and legs muscle...aduiii~ But I do enjoyed every moment of that morning 'torture' with them. God knows how I hated waking up in the morning because my dreams were awesome. But these few days, my dreams were unpleasant somehow. I'm not sure why but I hope its not something bad.

I used my RM50 voucher to buy 2 novels by Nicholas Sparks. Guess Ill be hunting a collection of his books. I find them fascinating. The movies made according to his books are way mesmerizing. Goshhh. I bought A Bend in the Road and Safe Haven. Title and synopsis seems interesting. When semester 2 starts, movie marathon and more novel reading. I'll study when I need to. I dont abandon my work ;)

I just wrapped them! Cant wait to read :)

Oh right! Today's Valentine's day! Happy Valentine's to everyone. To me, its just a pretty normal day. Its TUESDAY! LOL. I watched Maid in Manhattan in the morning, Made of Honor in the evening and best of all was Letters to Juliet at night. I regret not watching Letters to Juliet earlier. Amanda Seyfried is an awesome actress. I'm gonna re-watch it again before I go back to the dead town. Whee~~ I went out with Kasturi and Faris for lunch and thats about it for Valentines. Nothing much.

You do not only show love on Valentine's Day but everyday of your life. Give when you feel like giving. Love when you feel like loving. Care for the person deeply everyday but just today. Everyday is Valentine's Day if you can make the person you love as special as he/she can ever be. A person's happiness depends on the person he/she loves. Only that particular person can make him/ her smile without a reason.

Love has no reasons, no boundaries, no rules.
Live like you've never loved before. :)

Happy Valentines :))

Sincerely,

It's pretty random... <3
I love me!

Do whats right! Set your mind straight!

Remember that life only come around ONCE! Dont waste your time on stupid things and stupid people. You know better what's more important in your life. Every second counts.

Be kind to people who are nice to you and neglect those who neglect you. Once you neglect them, some of them might actually realize how important you actually are to them. When they realize, its time to decide whether they can really be a part of your life, or maybe a quarter of your life...probably just a little bit? If me, I would give them a second chance. If they neglect me again, there is no place for them in my life.

Learn to love the right person. As much as I know, most of my friends from MGS were single. The ones that I know. Those who are still single, including myself, learn to open your heart out to people. Love is the best thing that could ever happen in ones life but could also be the worst depending of who. Those who walked into your life and made you theirs, treating you like a princess, DONT LET GO! Love them like no other. Those who walked into your life and ruin every moment, treating you like a punchbag and an idiot, LEAVE. Its not worth at all.

Real friends worth a million! You dont get to find people like this all the time. Appreciate them. You know who are the ones that love you for who your are, lift you up when you're down, tell you almost everything thats going on, making you laugh and smile, let you learn their lifestyle, not ashamed of you and will always be there for you no matter what. Communication these days are awesome. There's no excuses anymore. Besides, we're 21 (almost) Most friends can drive to find you, take public transport, send you an email, whatsapp you, skype video call and obviously facebook! What more can you ask right?

Believe in yourself. Mind is the most powerful thing in us. Not the brain. Not the heart. If you have the confidence and positiveness, God bless you. You can have everything and anything. Sometimes people might think you're crazy saying that mind is powerful. If you succeed well with just your mind, make sure they regret saying you're crazy. Sometimes all you need is yourself and not anyone else. Your life is all about you. Mostly about YOU. So you must trust yourself because you are sure that the only person you can depend on is yourself.

Do not keep your tears. HEY YOU! Who says crying makes you a small kid? Crying when you're hurt is a normal thing. Guys out there, I believe you misunderstand that crying is only for weak people, for small kids and for GIRLS! Guys doesnt have tears? No sorrows? No sadness? Then he must be a statue. When you feel like crying, nobody can tell you dont. Real friends will hug you and say cry the hell out whether you're a guy or a girl. I know guys who kept their ego and say sand went into your eyes and all. AT LEAST, they shed a tear and people understand the meaning of 'getting sand into the eyes'

But most of all, what I want to make my time for is for the one special person who deserves to be MY husband, boyfriend, best friend, psychologist, doctor, engineer, househusband, babysitter, massager, pillow, tissue and everything in life. Funny isn't it? But when you think back, your special one do have a little skill in all of the above :) I don't need someone who is a somebody. Although he is a nobody, love counts :)

The End. Think about it.

P/S - Some people dont deserve to be in your life. Kick them out.
PSS - Lock your heart from that person and throw away the key.

;)

Small Things Around

I still get people asking me "Are you okay?" and some people who wanted to ask but didnt want to because they were afraid that they would hurt my feelings. Most of my friends tried hard to care for my feelings by not mentioning my ex's name and not asking about it. Actually I'm pretty okay with it. I can see from their faces of trying to talk me out. You're free to ask.  I was hurt and I am healing. Learning.

I had lived to move on and I realized that I could move on very fast by just making myself busy, thinking about other people who were there for me and just doing nothing concerning what hurts me until the right one appears. Right one....long way to go. I believe I had fallen in love but because he wasnt ready, I wanted to give up. Time tells me not to stop trying because he might be the one. Life is short. You'll never know when the time for you is up. What if I'm meant to die tonight? Tomorrow morning? Few days to come? God knows. I do not want to regret but love is meant for 2 people. If one moves and the other doesnt, it comes to the same - nothing.

Ill put this thing aside for a moment. Taking my time to forget. That's the things I'm good at. Forgetting. Things that doesnt concern me, Ill forget in just a few minutes. Things that concern me would take a couple of months approximately. I guess with Ravina around, its not problem to forget even faster. I'm trying hard though. Everything that concerns the heart would come to one word - hurt. Whatever it is, I will get hurt even over small things. All I can say is " I'm okay. Don't worry." Works all the time. I can heal up quick by just making myself busy, focusing on other more important things.

If you know that you will die tomorrow, I'm sure you'll do all kinds of things that makes you happy like travel the few countries that you like, do something illegal, get yourself in trouble and etc. For me, I think whats more important is gathering a few friends together with family and enjoy every moment together. That way there would be no regrets at all. Just to let your family and friends be prepared when you leave. They would be smiling to the sky instead of crying at your coffin.  They will let you go at ease. They will have no regrets too because they had had the time with you at your very last moment of life.

Moving on is a process of leaving the past behind and focus whats more important upfront. Regretting is not in my dictionary. I dont regret for the things I've done. Ill just make it right for the mistake I made or if its not worth it, dont do anything. I never asked for things to go the way I wanted. I just HOPE to have the way I wanted but its okay even if it didnt. We only live once...just do it right? It doesnt have to be perfect, as long as we're happy.

Thats about it. I'm damn lazy. Just that this morning I got nothing to do so here I decided to blog. If not, I wouldnt. Bye.