Heart's Desire

Sometimes you wish so much that you can understand what your heart really wants. Like when you are a kid. You want many things but you'll never get it because your parents just don't want to spoil you. We will never get what we want when we were kids huh? I remember that. Hahahaha. Time passes so quickly. I'm getting older =.=

I will be turning 21 soon. I know how mature I had grown to be yet I don't know whether I made the right choices in life. What I desired to study, I never got to do it because of my mum. She said if I do this course, what will I be in the future? I might not have a future. I do as my mum wanted me to be. A teacher. I went into this course and study just like how I used to study in school as much as I hated the subjects. I guess its true that sometimes what you study is not what you will end up to be. As much as I do not desire to be a teacher, I hope God has another career path for me and teaching would be optional then. 

Having interest in someone? I can tell you that I heal fast from the break up and moving on fast to another person of my interest. I guess its because I had been abandoned too long to realize it. After a break up, I realize better that I'm now very cautious of the person I'm interested in. As much as I put trust in him, as much as he gives me attention, as much as he would do anything for me, as much as he would try to keep me safe and warm, I'm still cautious. I am still not ready for a new relationship. When? Time will tell. I just can't tell what my heart wants. Sometimes questions pop out of the blue asking myself whether I really want this. I'm waiting.

I met up with Andrea today and we had a chat. She told me about this friend who goes for another guy abandoning the current one. According to her, this guy is a really sweet and loyal guy who would abandon his work halfway just to see her when she's sick. I was wishing my ex was like this but it will never happen. We can now only hope for the future. Its really wasted to missed out on a guy like that. It's so hard to find such loyal and loving guy nowadays. If I had this kinda guy, I will never ever let him go. But its alright for this friend of ours. Let her do what she loves to do. Its okay. If that is really her decision, we can only say OKAY. I hope she wont regret losing on a guy like this.

I really hope I make the right choices. Choices of my life that would affect my future. As much as I would take the risk, I don't want to get hurt anymore. I'm tired of getting hurt. I just wish to smile like an angel would give =)