Life Goes On

After all that had happened, its hard to forget. Its still running in my head. Running in my mind. Still woke up thinking about it and still woke up crying over it. I hate this feeling so much. As the saying goes....

"WHATEVER HAPPENS, LIFE GOES ON"  

I'm stoping life for a moment. This is something new to me. I had never been this depressed in my life. I had never been crying this much in my life. I almost fell sick because of it. Why am I torturing myself this way? I can't help. My mind wouldnt let go although I just want to let go of everything. I thought I am strong. I didnt know that I couldnt take it because I never had a very bad heartbreak moment until 2 days back.

It hurt so much I feel like killing what I'm feeling inside. It feels like....something hard and sharp crushing me inside and tearing my heart up piece by piece. I guess I now understand those who went through it before me.

It was a hard decision yet I cannot be selfish. Nobody wanted to make the decision at all and I had to. I had no choice and my mind was blank. After all that, all I did was cry and cry and cry like a young child losing something important. I know that crying doesnt help solve anything but crying helps to ease a little on whats inside.

Hurting is a process of life to make someone stronger. I'm broken. I'm not able to stand up yet. Faking a smile in front of everyone just to make them feel less worried about me and just let them assume that I'm okay when I'm not. The problem was mine, the hurt is mine. Nobody deserves to feel the pain that I go through. Its not fair to others.

I'm not sure how long its going to remain in my mind. I hope it would go away. Waking up crying was the worst of the worse. Its like a nightmare replaying every night. I dont like it. >.<

The only thing I can ask from God is peace and thats all I need.

Thats all for today.